I think a lot of kids measure their self worth by trophies and awards. I know I did. My brother and I used to win the average amount of them, and I thought we were a pretty talented pair of siblings....Until I started reading the engravings:
Brother: Basketball, Track team, Judo.
Me: Great Colourer! You're Pretty! Good at Jump Rope!
Yes. My Dad made me fake trophies because I'm completely and utterly talentless and he didn't want me to realize it. How cute is that?
I think most people have moved on from the trophy era, and I'm sure that my Dad assumes I have too, but of course I have not. Daddy, for Christmas I would like one of the following:
YOU FIT INTO YOUR SKINNY JEANS
YOU HELD YOUR COOL AROUND THAT CRACKHEAD
EXCELLENT HYGIENE
YOU CAN KEEP A CAT ALIVE!
YOU MADE EYE CONTACT WITH THAT HOT GUY
That is all.
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